Legacy Child - the unknown from before

We adopted our little boy when he was three – a lively, confident, outgoing and sometimes strong willed, amazing little boy joined our family. He is an absolute joy and has slotted perfectly into our lives. 6 months down the line and with Christmas having recently been, I’m interested that I am still learning so much about him and how to care for him and I wonder if this will ever change.

Potty training has not been as easy for us this time around. For my elder two, it was a much more straightforward process, we’d have accidents in the early days, and one of them took a little longer to get the hang of it, but they got the gist. With my youngest, it has taken 6 months so far and we are still having difficulty – not in him having accidents, quite the opposite; he will hold on to his wee and if left to his own choice, probably wouldn’t go for hours. Each time we encourage him to go it’s a battle despite how fun we make it. He is also not a fan of having a drink, which doesn’t help! I find myself suddenly feeling like I’m learning for the first time again despite my experience of having parented before and worked with children for years and I can’t help but wonder how many other adoptive parents with birth children feel this too.

Recently I got some advice – and I have to say, I should have done so sooner. I spoke to a lovely nurse who listened as I talked through everything we are doing and asked for her advice. During the conversation she talked about him being a ‘legacy child’. I haven’t heard that term before and was instantly listening to every word with intrigue. She described how he may be had difficulty toileting when he was small if his diet hadn’t contained enough fibre and it might have left a lasting nervousness, therefore when he goes to the toilet, his brain reminds him and tells him it’s a negative experience.

Fast forward a few weeks and he is responding really well to more regular and balanced toilet trips with lots of encouragement, and is drinking more frequently too! But it got me thinking – if you saw him, you would see a little boy who has slotted into our family so perfectly that you would think he has always been a part of us. Yet its experiences like this that remind me that there are always going to be things in his past that are going to have an impact on him. Things that he might not know, things that we could never guess, or things that will present themselves in many years to come. Some of them will come and go – like I hope the toileting battles will! and others may have more of a lasting impact. But it is going to be a journey and we will be here for him when he needs us.